


you don't have to say you trust me

by kivancalcite



Category: The Thing (1982)
Genre: Affection, Aftermath, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Beds, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lack of Communication, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Married Couple, Paranoia, Post-Canon, Trauma, Trust Issues, abandonment issues aplenty, and it's killing them, au windows and macready survive the previous events of the thing (1982), dealing with the emotional fallout of that film takes a toll on relationships, they love each other too much to say anything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:01:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kivancalcite/pseuds/kivancalcite
Summary: Written post-The Thing (1982) where Macready and Windows survive and are married together. The emotional fallout of the previous events puts a strain on their relationship, but the comfort and love they've always had for each other despite the adversaries they've faced together has demonstrated it's not as simple as it is. Communication is not the same as it once was, since saying all their feelings aloud will just double down on their anxieties and paranoia about whether the other is truly themselves or not and not genuinely loving and being with the other sounds just as much of a nightmare than what they escaped from to begin with.
Relationships: R. J. MacReady/Windows
Kudos: 4





	1. like tv static and minds set on replay, we barely talk, barely sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Suddenly got inspiration from the song 'You Don't Have To Say You Love Me' by Dusty Springfield after resurrecting this Thing fic from early-to-mid last year. I think it fits quite generally with the angst involved here, I believe.

“…did you ever think I was a thing?”

“Never.”

“…but why me though? Out of everyone else…”

“…I don’t know. I just didn’t.”

“Do you still think that?”

These words were almost immediate, speaking the dark silence of their room, as if there was no doubt in them. But those words stopped Mac and he would’ve been able to answer it if his own words didn’t get stuck in his mouth, apart from another question.

“Do you think that about me?”

There were longer silences between these words, as if they now dreaded getting closer to uncertain possibilities. Neither of them wanted to think about the other like that, but it was clear both of them had a level of trust in each other unprecedented in such a crisis. Out of anyone, why each other?

“Think what?”

Another long pause. Mac sat up and pulled the duvet cover back before swinging his legs around to the side of the bed. Maybe he did know. He was never one to let on, and this still felt like no exception. Which broke him, since this was even to his own husband. But what couple manages to go through hell and back during that…thing that happened at Outpost 31? Who has to deal with that? Who just manages to get back to every day life after that? This was never a normal situation. Both of them knew in their own hearts that they couldn’t say such feelings out loud; they got stuck in their throats every time.

He was lost in his musings and felt a gentle touch on his hand. He turned around to see the sleepy eyed and curly haired Windows curled into the pillow with the duvet still over him. He had a glimpse of a smile, but seemed almost sad and pleading. He gave a small smile back before it faded, looking down at the hand on his. They both wore their wedding rings on their right hand and seeing that put even more of a lump in Mac’s throat.

“Mac…” Windows spoke, softly, almost mournfully, “…you know you don’t have to reply to that. I understand…”

“I know.”

The words were instant this time. At least they had that. That they understood why they couldn’t say so many feelings out loud. This wasn’t what a relationship was built on, and both of them feared what it could to do to the both of them if they never did. But still, whatever hope they had, at least they had that.

Their hands curled together instinctively, but Mac couldn’t bring himself to get back in bed again. He turned away, still holding his hand.

“…I just don’t want any more surprises. I’m tired and…it’s not within me to see anything happen to you.”

Windows wanted to answer this, but considering the situation they had endured and their clear paranoid mindsets they were known for having, but he couldn’t. They were stuck in these endless cycles of pausing and hesitating and silence, communication like TV static with voices in throats as they kept trying to pretend everything was fine. But their minds were stuck in the desolation of Outpost 31 and their minds were only stuck replaying the events and replaying themselves together. Of course they trusted each other…

…didn’t they?


	2. promise you'll be back soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole trauma not only has an effect on their relationship, but impacts Mac's drinking habit, too. Normally he'd want to spend more time with Windows which made him feel better, but it's making his temptation towards alcohol all the more worse instead.

Mac wanted to get up from the bed, get a drink perhaps, but it still felt wrong. Whatever had happened before and whatever they thought now, it still didn’t make sense to leave each other.

Before Mac met Windows, he relied heavily on drinking whiskey for his sanity, which, though of course wasn’t good for his health didn’t mean he’d give a shit about it. He was more keen on making it one day to the next, in some bizarrely illogical self preservation. He’d lose his mind if he wasn’t able to drink day in and day out, especially with the place they were stuck in at the time.

But being around the other man seemed to affect him and he could never tell at first, although it was a remarkable difference with how he behaved towards others in contrast to his interactions with Windows. Sure, you don’t just shake off addictions like that, but being around him, he could forget about it for just a bit before the need set fully in again.

He felt the duvet and bed shift around behind him before he felt arms around his waist as the other knelt up against him, his head gently resting against his shoulders. Despite the still swirling feelings of paranoia and mistrust, Mac couldn’t bring himself to shrug the other man off. If anyone attempted anything like that he would’ve shoved them off violently, although he gave off enough of an impression that people didn’t do that anyway. Windows was different though, and when they felt what was a semblance of a relationship, it was hard to let go of the other when stuff like this did happen.

“…I don’t want the same to happen to you either, Mac.”

The voice was soft, reassuring in his ears as Windows’ murmured close to him, before kissing his neck. He let out a breath, not feeling inclined to move and just drowning in this moment. He just wanted this, like this, moments almost standing still where he could be with his husband in peace. Forget anything that had ever happened back at the outpost and get back to normal life, whatever that was.

They sat like that for a while, tired and yet not able to sleep. Neither of them wanted to and even when Mac did feel the need to, unsteadily, stand up, Windows’ unravelled his arms and yet held onto the back of his t-shirt and the former turned around, a pleading look on the other man’s face.

“At least stay in bed if you can’t sleep,” Windows’ sleepily remarked, “I know I can’t. Especially when you’re not around.”

Mac sighed. He knew with the issues that they both had, they still wanted to be around each other. He wondered why he had a need to get up when they both could just lie in bed together, like they always did. Maybe with this whole inability to be completely honest with each other went further than he thought, and maybe now it was too much. At least it was a bit of luck that the things they felt that they knew each other wanted to say went unspoken, even if it wasn’t ideal for a relationship.

“I won’t be long.”

Windows quirked an eyebrow at his unconvincing statement. Mac knew that, but what else was he supposed to say?

“I can’t promise anything. I just…”

“I know.”

There was that sentence again, as Windows let go of his t-shirt and went back to sit up under the covers. It was his turn to say it and Mac at least guessed it was better that they knew much stuff about the other without saying anything. Still, he always still had that craving for a drink. It bothered him, since he’d rather spend more time with Windows and now all this thinking was sending him over the edge.

They both knew the unspoken and perhaps wanted to keep it that way, even though they both knew how much they didn’t want to be apart from each other. And they loved each other too much to verbally acknowledge any of that.


End file.
